(Sorry Gma)
October is the time that I am jealous of other cancers. I know, what a petty thought. I realize it is ridiculous and I control my behavior. Then, I see the ever-present pink ribbon of Breast Cancer at every sports game, product, advertisement , tattoo, and the jealousy thrives again. Truly, breast cancer has all the bases covered. So, I am going to loop in a disgusting amount of sexual puns and sports analysis to drive this home. Because brain cancer needs a serious pr overhaul.
People are scared of anything in the brain. It has an entire skull to protect it and if you want to play a contact sport, you have to add an additional layer just to not harm it. The brain is a playbook that doesn’t have a cheat code.Is there a way to make the brain the sexiest draft pick? The sexual nature of the breast, “saving second base” I feel has been the front runner. (We should should aim to save every person regardless of their cup size. )
Brain cancer isn’t sexy, it’s too closely linked to the bias of mental illness diagnosis which terrifies people. Most people can’t identify the ribbon color (it’s gray). We don’t get campaigns for modeling topless for brain cancer. We also don’t get reconstruction services at will. My skull will never look the same 🙂 Hear me out, I want all medical advances to be accessible to all people. Even bench players contribute to the wins and losses. So I am championing all of the advancements. Even if I am a little salty. Ultimately “all tides rise all ships” but the favoritism hurts.
Since we know sex sells, I am throwing around a couple campaign ideas for me to use in May. (Yes, May is Brain Cancer Awareness month).
- Give Me Head or I’m Dead
- Support the Dome
- Save 3rd Base
Sometimes ridiculously catchy and inappropriate like that. I want brain cancer (selfishly) to be the MVP of the league so I can get my miracle. Right now, we are the freshmen in street clothes on the bench.
So please join me as we sex up brain cancer so the general public pays attention to the lack of funding and progress. My cancer currently has a less than %3 survival rate for 5 years. Breast cancer is currently at %89.7 for the same time frame. The National Brain Tumor Society raises only a pitiful 9 million dollars a year in comparison to Komen which raises $400 MILLION a year. The PR needs to kick in! Brains can be sexy and brain cancer patients give the best head.
(I feel like I have to say this because my humor is a little dry sometimes, but clearly this is a satirical post. Breast Cancer patients are deserving of their funding and medical advancements. Their struggles are not nullified by over-sexualization. I also understand there are complexities for all organs. Just take the chuckle and move along).
With love (and a love of sarcasm)
MJ